Join Date: May 2005
A secret meeting is in progress between the Devil himself and his most trusted evil minions, down deep in the heart of you know where.
Devil: Ok boys, let’s hear the good news shall we? Or should I say bad news!
Well boss, murder and theft are up, as well as violence in general. More people are discouraged than ever before. We’ve managed to stamp out faith or even belief in God in mass numbers, especially in the younger generation.
Ow! Boss that hurt!
Devil: I told you not to mention his name, stupid! It gives me heartburn! You know how sensitive my stomach is.
Sorry, boss. It won’t happen again.
Devil: Anyway, I suppose our marketing programs are working as well as ever?
Yeah boss, they really swallowed that whole monkey story hook, line, and sinker. Kids grow up acting like animals because they think they came from one. I’m telling you, boss, your plan was sheer brilliance. We are gaining souls down here left and right from the other team every day.
Devil: And Hellywood, I mean Hollywood?
Oh boss! They are pumping out the sex and gratuitous violence like you ain’t never seen in your whole life! I’m telling you, kids these days are so used to it they wouldn’t blink if they saw a crime happen right in front of them. And man, kids think Hollywood morals are mainstream. It’s a real kicker.
Devil: Daytime television?
You bet boss, it’s just as cruddy and immoral as ever!
Dark Angel, Mr. Positive, Seven Pic by Jerod
Devil: Oh, that’s good, I mean bad in a good way! Anything negative…err…positive to report?
Well, boss there are a few problems. We still got those good guys up there messing up the works, you know, guys like that Seven and Mr. Positive. All those guys from the Superhuman Defense League have put a damper on crime waves just a bit. And you know every time some do-gooder saves somebody’s life that means it’s just that much longer we have to wait to get them down here, not to mention what could happen if they believed in you know who.
Ow! Boss what was that for? I didn’t mention his name!
Devil: No, but you inferred it! That’s bad enough. Don’t make me get the ACLU down here after you. I love those guys, by the way. We couldn’t have gotten better results from our impressive league of super villains. Which reminds me, why haven’t they killed those idiotic superhero do-gooders yet?
Your evilness, guys like Bastian Wolfe, Rad, and Blackhorn has tried everything, but you know they always go for the big take over the world or mass destruction plans that have a much harder time at success than some of your tried and true, take it slow and sly plans, boss.
Devil: I want Seven and Mr. Positive destroyed, if we get no one else this year.
But boss we sent vampires and Seven just cut off their heads. We sent super villains, and he just put them in jail. We even sent the ACLU after him and he just smiles at them. Oh, and Mr. Positive, don’t even get me started. That guy’s impossible to discourage. We tried every trick in the book to depress Mr. Positive, but nothing changes that guy’s attitude. He’s always, always positive about everything. He claims it’s because he believes in…
Devil: What! What were you going to say?
Santa Claus, I was going to say Santa Claus, boss. It’s because he believes in Santa Claus.
Devil: Sure you were! Now you listen here, and listen good. I’ve only got a set number of years before this whole thing goes south, and we need to take as many souls down with us and we can! So take get to work on anybody who dares to have faith, or act in any way that might encourage faith from others. That means Time-Rider and Seven, and that infernal Mr. Positive, for example, must be eliminated or at the very least discouraged from their happy happy joy joy, and overall good guy mentality.
But Boss, you remember what happened when we tried that whole gig on Job; they wound up giving him a whole book in the Bible.
Devil: Don’t mention that book either! Now get to work! And someone go torture Adolf some more, I can’t hear him screaming as loud as usual. Mustn’t let my favorites think we’ve forgotten them.